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  • Elaine Morris posted an update 2 years, 6 months ago

    How do I find compassion for someone who has an enormous negative effect on my life. Taking away something that I cannot get back which was precious in my way of life.

    • HI Elaine – that’s a tough one. We can try to understand the other person’s point of view: what is it that motivates them? If it’s a destructive act there’s usually a fear of some kind that’s fuelling it.

      We can also really be interested in mix of feelings in our own response. If we are feeling angry, for example, that may be covering up other more uncomfortable feelings, like vulnerability or fear.

      I think it’s important to know our own response, and be kind to ourselves in the midst of that, as well as moving towards empathy or compassion.

      If we can’t imagine what might be motivating them, we can think to ourselves that we know that negative actions are usually the result of protective behaviour, or some issues getting worked out (we can think of when we have acted badly in the past) and that even if we can feel sympathy, that understanding begins to lead us in that direction.

      From a more existential point of view, the Pureland Buddhist position would be also to remember that we are loved, and the person pushing our buttons is loved. That even if *we* cannot find our way towards feeling that for them, we can know that it is possible to love them, and that they are acceptable just as they are.

      Hope this is of some help

    • Sorry to hear about your childhood but so pleased you manged to find forgiveness and love for your parents. My situation seems mild in comparison but the loss is quite significant. Because of my disabilities I attended a chair based yoga class. The thoughtlessness of a ‘friend’ has managed to get herself a few of us excluded by causing disturbances during meditations etc. She was new to the group and treated the class as one big joke. I can’t understand why she can’t see the benefits disabled people get from this yoga group. There isn’t another seated yoga group in any of the nearest towns. Needless to say I am angry and I don’t like it. I have to work with this person and have a holiday booked with her. I tried to explain the upset she has caused but she thinks it’s a joke. I have learned enough over 7 years to be able to practise at home but it’s not the saòme. I am trying to understand why she is laughing about this. It is affecting my sleep and my daytime life. What do you do when there is someone who simply doesn’t get it.

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